Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
