Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
