I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
