exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
