i barfeds in our rink
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
