The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
