she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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