Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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