Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
