It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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