I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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