somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
