so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize