I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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