The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
