even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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