hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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