I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize