My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
