I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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