the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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