Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
