he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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