this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
