I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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