Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
