Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
