so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
