i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
