I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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