Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
