the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
