Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
