She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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