I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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