I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Randomize
