smell my finger.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
