Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
