Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
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