Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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