put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
People in love make me want to vomit
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
this will be a night to untag.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize