we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
whose parrot is this?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize