All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
