she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
