Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
