Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
