he wants to bone in the snuggie
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
