If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
