Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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