i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My feet surprised me
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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