yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
