all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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