My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
