We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
