I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize