He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
