Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
