Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
