just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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