I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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