Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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