Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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