i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize