booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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