there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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