She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
