I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
