I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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