girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize