You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
