Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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