Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
