Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
