i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
