It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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