Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
