The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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