Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
