Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I have fence marks all over my body
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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