so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So here I am, sexting at work.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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