i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
