feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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