I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
