Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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