Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
