So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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