I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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