do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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