well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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